BARE MINIMUMS & MATHREE MORNINGS

Lying awake in bed after my morning alarm… lazy, hoping time would move backwards.

It’s Friday, and my body aches. I’m just fatigued.

Now I’m in a mathree, cramped like luggage. As usual, the windows are just for decoration — no one uses them anymore. Okay. Let’s just breathe on each other like the oxygen inside has been specially conserved for this journey.

And honestly, what’s with people playing their stuff on loudspeaker in a quiet public space? Ever heard of ear pods, headphones, earphones... or just something?🤷🏾‍♀️

Exactly a week ago, after work, a colleague gave me a lift. We got talking about nothing and everything. And when I say everything, I mean the kind of conversations you really want to have, but never quite find the right person or the right moment for. You know... the unsaids.

But first, pause. I can’t pass my candy lady at the stage without stopping. Even going three days without buying from her loads me with a weird kind of guilt.
“Leo umechelewa, na unakaa fiti,” she says.
Mmm. True. I’m fashionably late.

Back to the lift and the evening chat. Dee said something that stuck:

“You have to write down your bare minimums in every situation you put yourself in.”

She added, “It’s hopeless to keep praying for something if you haven’t even taken the time to define how you want it packaged-and then go for that specific thing.”

She was talking about relationships.

We talked for nearly two hours. At one point, she looked at me and said candidly:

“Come on now… you’re the problem here.”

Ouch.

She asked me:

• Do you have your bare minimums when it comes to the kind of relationship you want, especially with a potential spouse?

• Do you accept that you’re not perfect-and that someone else may also be letting go of certain expectations just to be with you?

• Are you even putting yourself in the right spaces to meet the kind of person you desire?

• When you pray for discernment, do you even know what you’re looking for?

My response?
“Zima hio kitu…”
And we burst out laughing.

But truth be told, that moment hit a part of me I always shrug off.

There’s something so real, so raw, so necessary about someone calling you out -no filter, no fluff.

Eventually, she had to literally chase me out of her car😅. We both needed to head home. But that conversation? Pure gold.

Me being the write-it-down type, I went home and a few days later titled a journal entry:
“My Bare Minimums.”
I told myself I’d start with ten. So far? I’ve written down… two.

Maybe I’m the most accommodating human being🙃.
Or maybe, just maybe, I’m afraid to write it all down.
Because deep down, I know I’ve been moving in ways that betray my own non-negotiables.

So, Dee- thank you for that truth. Unpackaged. Unrefined. But rich with wisdom.
Because sometimes, that’s all we need-perspective.
Also thanks for..
Free therapy. Free coaching.
All in one ride.

And the beauty of life?
A girl can always relook, revisit, and re-strategize for a better outcome.

Let me leave you with this,

Take stock. Write it down. Not for anyone else, but for you.
Because if you don’t define your bare minimums, life or someone else will do it for you.