Feeling Stuck : “When Your Mind Goes Blank”

A strong feeling of the world shrinking into silence.

One moment I am sitting in a simple meeting — not even the scariest one I’ve ever had — and the next, my mind emptied. Completely. Not a thought, not a word. Just blank.

Abit of nervousness but something deeper. Something old. Like a bully that has lived in my mind for years. The one that whispers, You’re not good enough. You should do better. You are slow. You are stuck

I’ve worked in the financial field for years. And yet, I couldn’t find words to explain the simplest of things. I stumbled, I overtalked, I shrank and tried to cover up the mess with a flurry of nothings.

It’s not the first time.

The truth is, I feel stuck. Stuck in a cycle of hardwork, barely smart. Watching peers sail past me. Seeing others rise while I stay seated. And worse — carrying the shame of that stagnation, like a stain I can't scrub off.

Countless opportunities search in the past. Rejections now a rhythm. On the few occasions I get the chance to speak, I freeze. I panic. I feel like I’m watching myself from outside — watching me fail, again and again.

And then the worst voice kicks in: You’re the problem. 

Lately, I believe that voice.

So what do people do when they get here? am asking myself.

Perhaps they pause, they breathe, they grieve the careers dreams that are not panning out.

Or perhaps they turn to small anchors-talk to a friend, take a walk, journal entry, cold drink, prayer. 

But, I’m writing this. Not because I’ve solved anything. But because maybe — just maybe — you’ve felt this too. And maybe we both need a reminder:

Freezing doesn’t mean being a failure, doesnt mean hopelessness-well me trying to give myself some grace.

Being overwhelmed doesn’t also mean erasing years of experience, the hard work, the dreams we’ve carried quietly in our hearts.

I don’t have a shiny ending to this post. Just a soft one:

I’m still here. And so are you.

That counts for something. Maybe it even counts for everything right now.

We keep going — even if our pace is just one breath at a time.

Love,
Someone Who Froze Too