Me vs. My Mind: Midnight Edition

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3:41 a.m!!!
Rather restless. Frustrated.

I was in bed by 10 p.m., physically tired, fully expecting a restful night. So why was I still awake at that ungodly hour?

Regrets? Three mugs of coffee during the day.
Thirty minutes on TikTok before bed.
It was supposed to calm my thoughts, not awaken all my senses.

The more I tried to sleep, the more alert my mind became.
A friend once advised me to listen to rain sounds on YouTube when struggling to fall asleep.
Tried that too. My mind wouldn’t budge.

Then my brain decided to pick a fight.

Mind: "So… you’re stuck in life?"
Excuse me??
Not you, my own brain, bullying me at 3 a.m.

Me: "Come on. I feed you daily with positive affirmations and vibes!"
Mind: "Still… you're not doing enough."

Then it hit me—something someone casually said last Saturday:
"You're not comfortable. You're just not aggressive."

Okay. Even if that were true… what does aggression even look like?
Mind: "You should be miles ahead by now."
Me: "Aren’t I doing the best I can, right here, right now?"
Mind: "Take risks. Venture out. Your peers are ahead."
Me: "Comparison is the thief of joy."
Mind: "So what are you passionate about?"
Me: "Good question."
Mind: "Start over."
Me: "Start over… from where exactly?"

Which part of my story is already written?
Which part do I still get to write?
What if I fail?
What if I soar?

How do I even balance it all—spiritually, mentally, emotionally, financially, socially?

⏸ 4:26 a.m.
Goodness gracious.
I needed to be up before I even got to sleep? 🙆🏽‍♀️

Prof. Charles Ondieki once said, “Graduates are trained to create jobs, not to be employed.”
Maybe if I’d taken that seriously, I wouldn’t be this anxious about every passing second with eyes wide open.

Anyway. If you see me today looking like some boiled shangi potatoes, please keep it moving. We don’t need to talk. 😅

Njeri, a young politician, once said a bad deal was sealed in the wee hours—and called it “the hours of the devil.”
Well, I guess that explains why insomnia was bugging me. 😏

But hey—it’s the season of Lent.
A time for prayer. Fasting. Reflection.
Repentance. Surrender.

Totally safe to say… I’m in good hands.




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