The Devil Is in the Detail…

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When I say the devil is in the detail, I mean it.

Lately, I’ve been speaking fiercely over my life. I stubbornly refuse to have murmurs… I am intentional with my gratitude. I think it often. I openly confess it any chance I get… I even say it when I hold doubts in my mind.
But when I say the mind is a bully…mine has to be the leader of the gang.

Btw, if there were two days my tummy has growled, it must be yesterday and today. Not from underfeeding, just some kind of upset…
Ever felt like your gut is “rotten” without any medical proof?
The windows will be opened at night…
If you know, you know🤭

Back to “meaningful stuff.”

This gorgeous lady from Pop the Balloon asks a potential match: “Anyone in your life, alive or deceased, who has made you look at life and see things differently?”
She mentions her younger sister who passed away a year before, who taught her to go for what she believes in, what she wants in life.

I pause on the episode…
Not because it was an ambush thought angle…
But because I know the feeling too well.

One day I am the most confident person in the room.
Next, I am blubbering gibberish nonsense when I am required to make sense.

My brain will whisper…you are brilliant, you are fearless, you are a🌟 one minute.
And the same day scream…
You know so little. You are a coward. You are stuck!

And when I tell you… the bully mind carries receipts, I am serious.

I know how quick I am to flex on loving my own company…
But chilling with this bully can be tiring.
Trying to silence them? An even bigger chore.

It’s like having a two-year-old throwing a tantrum.

Brain: People pleaser!
Me: I’m the one who did the internal validation and decided that. Why do you want to fight me with a card I pulled out myself?
Brain: Well…trauma🤷🏾‍♀️
Me: What? From where?
Brain: Good luck in that discovery. Btw, you’re a big age, you ought to know that.
You should have sorted it out by now…(leaves whistling)

See!!

Me: (confused) what just happened🤔😔

This is how this bully comes to me…There’s the classic judge, always ready with self-doubt…too old, too young, never quite right.

The misguided protector shows up too, magnifying everything that could go wrong, like fear is its job.
Then the victimiser steps in…why is life so hard for me, why so unfair?

Some days it becomes the ringmaster, loud and relentless…you have not done enough.
And in all of it, the neglected voice is there too…the one that quietly reminds me everyone else comes before me.

And for real, this bully chooses the card to use for every occasion.

What is my point?

Get in touch with yourself? Sure.
But…deal with this bully. Intentionally.

Mental health is real.
Stay woke.



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