Before We Talk Love, Let’s Talk Money

 Today feels like one of those mornings where faces blur into each other.

A lady passes by the mathree I’m in and for a second I think, Isn’t that Joan from high school?
She comes closer and, no. Not even close. She’s inches shorter, chubbier, round-faced. Joan was tall, slim, sharp-featured. Memory playing tricks again.

Minutes later, another woman fast-paces past the Citi Hoppa. Isn’t that Achieng? Someone I worked with a couple of years ago. She disappears before I can confirm. Maybe it was the walking style. Maybe it was just my mind still half-asleep.

Anyhu...I try to mind my business. Until Classic FM decides that 8 a.m. is the perfect time to debate women who don’t support their spouses when shit hits the fan.

Like...really?
It’s barely morning.

The never-ending gender battles.

And then my mind drifts to a video I watched recently of a grown man in tears, explaining how his wife wiped their joint business clean. I sympathized. These stories are no longer rare. Both genders are affected. The trauma is real.

And that’s when it hit me.

There’s a conversation we’re not ready for.

Childhood financial trauma.

Maybe because we don’t realize it shaped how we relate with money.
Or maybe, just like sex, it’s a topic we’d rather sweep under the carpet and hope things somehow sort themselves out.

But it shows up. Loudly. Quietly. In patterns like these:

Scarcity
Growing up lacking basic needs. Money felt like the enemy.
An unstable household teaches you that money betrays you.
Risk: fear of losing everything...what if the bank goes into succession? What if the land gets grabbed? What if floods come when it rains?
Result: avoiding investments altogether.

Affluence
The belief that money solves everything, and will always be there.
YOLO mentality. Spend more to gain more. Compulsive spending.
Risk: no budget, no savings, no emergency fund. Living beyond means. High debt. Get-rich-quick schemes. Emotions fully entangled in the hustle.

Avoidant
Money was never discussed. Or worse, money was “evil,” or “not our thing.”
No interest in learning. Conversations about finances feel uncomfortable, even intrusive.
Risk: lack of financial knowledge. No goals. No direction.

Anyway.

The longest month of the year is finally over.
February is short. Soft. Full of love.

This month, I think I’ll write money a love letter.
Maybe that’s where healing starts.
Maybe that’s how I begin dealing with my own financial trauma.