My Ex Is Unwell, and Suddenly ‘The Table’ Matters

My Ex Is Unwell, and Suddenly ‘The Table’ Matters Thought Tide Dec 01, 2025 My ex mentioned two health scares involving a mild heart attack. I kept my voice steady, held my gaze, trying not to cause alarm. But it really bothered me. I was concerned. 

I once told a friend that while people insist on “not burning bridges,” I bomb mine. I don’t look back on past relationships. I hold no enmity toward any of my exes, but I’m not one to cling to any kind of relationship after we part ways. So one would wonder how, after a decade, I’m suddenly having this conversation with my ex. We both blubbered about how life can slip through our fingers so fast, how we ought to be ready and prepared for exit. I asked him, “What does that preparation look like?” He gave me an unsure look and said, “Just live knowing each day could be your last.” Then that unpopular phrase;“What do you bring to the table?” came up. Oh, how I hate that phrase. While you pursue her, isn’t it because you already foresee something she can offer? I even smiled remembering that meme: “Don’t ask me what I bring to the table. I bring absolutely nothing. In fact, I can even take that table.”😂

I may not want to be asked directly, but I now understand the mind behind the question. With so many young people losing their lives lately in their prime years; careers, finances, investments only just taking shape, small kids left behind.. I get it. So he says, with these health scares, he wonders, “If I die, what becomes of my two boys?” And I could hear a man full of fear, fear of the uncertainty his absence would create. That hit hard. Most parents feel this, but hearing it raw from someone I once loved gave me a new perspective on why a man would want to understand what his partner could potentially offer.

Truth is, we no longer live in the communal world our parents did, where raising children could easily be passed on to a relative if a parent was absent or struggling. Today, everyone is chasing “the good life,” now defined almost entirely by money. That chase has bred individualism, making it nearly impossible to imagine raising children without both parents playing active roles. We’ve all seen situations where the family breadwinner dies, often the man and the children, once in high-end schools and living in good estates, have their lives turned upside down within months. 

So maybe “preparation” looks like closing gaps in skills, knowledge, independence, empowerment within your significant other. But we’re not ready for that conversation, are we? No, we’re not ready to address how some men prefer their women in the back seat, mostly for control. No, we won’t mention that some women refuse the front seat because they believe a man should do it all. And why talk about it anyway, when everything is comfortable and seemingly working? Let life drive itself, right? 

So no, don’t ask me what I bring to the table. But yes, assess and decide based on the same if you foresee a future with me. Hours into a very weighty conversation, I had many takeaways. A conversation many would shy away from, but one I found deeply intriguing. While others might focus on broken promises or shattered dreams, I realized how deeply I cared for this man. My heart felt heavy knowing he was facing health challenges. I silently prayed for him-that he lives long, reaches his goals, and remains present in the lives of his children and loved ones. 

That evening, I looked at myself in the mirror and fell in love with the woman I’m becoming. For the first time, I applauded myself for being intentional in my past relationships. For years, I’ve beaten myself up for caring, loving, investing “too much.” I’ve felt I should have given less, not because the people were bad, but because my happily-ever-after was still a dream. But for a brief moment, I saw beauty in the process. I saw a woman I would fall in love with, a ride-or-die woman. And that, I’m proud of. 

So yes, I want my ex to be alright.